next door neighbor to UNCANNY BLOG OF THE- BLOG

Friday, June 5, 2009

This kid is AWESOME!

He cracks me up because he's so excited about dancing and playing stuff on his ipod... the sad thing is people will think he's a freak because he's got the bladerunner JS advanced aging disease...I think it's sad because he ages that quickly... he's fucking awesome. I'd hang out with him.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

You, too, can hate hipsters

So on the fifteenth of May I went and saw Torche open for a shitty band called Dredg. I was immediately sketched out because my friend was going, and he's the type of guy who likes Dredg, if that's any indication of his motives. You know, enjoys Sublime and loves spazzy shit like Dillinger Escape Plan and Between the Nutsack and Me. Not that there's anything wrong with that but get some death metal in your life son.

Anyway, my intrepid roommate and I haul our bitter butts down to Club Underground, which is as shitty a shithole piece of shit venue as you could hope for, and stalked the back alley blasting Entombed. The hipsters drinking light beer in the car behind us rankled their noses at us, so we turned it up and blasted down a bottle of vodka. I hate going to bars at shows because I always lose my spot and it's damn pricey but since there were about 50 people max this was a dumb idea. Mostly because we got stupidly drunk before going in, the security dudes had to push us through the door.

First up was a band with a cello, violin, and drums. Yeah I know, but it weren't no Apocalyptica, these dudes plugged in distortion and rocked the fuck out. Some post-rocky, floating on clouds stuff too. Good job but get off the stage already and what's with your cronies trying to start a pit. No thanks.

Set changes were unbearably slow so us drunkies stumbled to the bar to get more vodka. On the way back to the tiny crowd my roomie pukes all over a hipster gal's purse, luckily when her greasy boyfriend arrives to kick some ass we see he's a skinny kid in jeans. And he doesn't want to fuck with the two stoned, drunken buffoons with the tattoos all over. Torche gets on and just blast into their set, playing 3 song triplets with minor banter in between. They had a plan and that was to ROCK the fucking house down, and they successfully blew out eardrums, surprised dick-eating Dredg fans were taken aback and covered their ears. The two of us were standing stage front, eating up the wicked tone supplied by the big stack of Orange amps, and were about the only idiots headbanging at any part of the show. Especially "Rockit" because that shit just slams. The performance was impressive, despite the shitty amount of people the band went all out, Steve Brooks coming out in the audience for fretboard acrobatics, drunken bro man #5032 was all over his nuts. And he'd do this little ass-shaking boogy that if I were a homosexual man with a cheap moustache I might have enjoyed a lot more. My questionable metal friend could dig it, my roommate and I were going nuts. Before the last song both of us were drunk enough to holler at them to turn it UP, which they gladly did before setting into an 8 minute dirge of pure bombstring. The set ended in a gloriously rock n' roll fashion, drums were kneed, guitars were smashed, heads were hit on microphones, just beautiful.

And then Dredg decides to set up and holy fuck that band has a shit load of gear, and it took them an inane amount of time to set up. For unknown reasons their fans started filing in, and they were a mix of trendy looking hipsters, and douchebags with their girlfriends. Seems to me they're a band metal guys will bring their girlfriends to because they can rock out a little but it's got all the sissy parts for the ladies. The one word I can use to describe this band is: BORING. Boring as fuck. They played a few new songs and they were alright because the guitarist finally decided to stop masturbating with a shit ton of pedals and just plug in loud and deep, and play some goddamn riffs. I'm down on buildups but these dudes played the some one for every song, and after the rockfest of the first two groups I was severely let down. The singer is in the running for the most grating I've seen, and I've seen my fair share of Taking Back Sunday-type drivel. It was one of the few times I felt embarrassed listening to a band because the lyrics were so abursdly head-scratching. I don't know why people tried to rock their heads to that shit-ass band when Torche was actually playing headbang-able shit before them. Dredg are like the Deftones, except instead of a singer who's raw and out-of-tune but still pulls it off, the vocals could have come from any number of pantywaist emo bands. It was offputting to say the least, and while the music was somewhat interesting any chance they had were instantly devalued by completely unnecessary components, like the lap steel that was played maybe twice and only one-note affairs. The upside was that the drummer was an absolute beast and put everything he had into it, trying the whole time to get the idiots running the house to turn down the snare volume. It was impressive to see him lay out a complicated beat with his right hand and foot while supplying interesting keyboard lines with his left hand. Dude was incredible, if only they would assassinate that atrocious singer.

All in all it was a good show, if Dredg wouldn't have played the longest, set up the longest, and bored everyone the longest. Too much atmosphere for the band lineup, I know they had some rocking songs, so fuck their fans they should have played shit that fit the show. Nitpicky I guess but FUCK THAT TERRIBLE BAND.

Okay, that's enough, have some weed.